Sick to death.. :(

Post by **Chain** » Mon May 17, 2004 3:10 pm

I have just spent the worst couple of years of my life.. for nothing..
I have lost so much over the last couple of years to *work*..
My Best Friend, Local Friends, social life, time.. And even the chance of children (fostering or something).. All for *work*..

I now know why people throw themselves off buildings and hang themselves.. I'm there at that point, No I'm not suicidal but I can see how most people would be .. after all whats the point?

My Job was looking so good until this morning.. now.. It's a crock of shite..
That effects directly everything else because of this bloody stupid stuff called Money.

My own stupid fault.
I need time.. I think I'm going to sell my house invest the money somehow and sponge from the goverment for a couple of years sod all this running around after *stuff*..

Could this be my Zen moment?

beardfreak · Post by **beardfreak** » Mon May 17, 2004 8:25 pm

My friend - you have reached the point I reached within myself many moons ago and mostly now can rise above.

I fully understand how you feel.

Life for the most part in this society is full of crashing bores everywhere and utter pointless futility and for what? The grave.

Opt out, get the hell outa there and find a way to exist on the outside of this crock of superficial crap.

An important book or two for you:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASI ... 49-1792653

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASI ... 49-1792653

I insist that you buy both very soon and begin reading.

If you want a chat, my Email address is available.

Take heart - I only mix with people who feel like you.

beardfreak · Post by **beardfreak** » Mon May 17, 2004 8:28 pm

It is not only impossible for a man to decide, in any given period, of the progress of his existence, or what utility or consequence he may be to society; but without the faculty of prescience, it is still more impracticable for him to divine what purposes he may be intended to serve in the many mysterious revolations of futurity. How far his mortal may be connected with his immortal life, must rest with him who has the sole disposal of it. But who told him that his load of misery was too much to bear, that he was not able to sustain {49} it? or that his merciful father would not proportionate his sufferings to his abilities? How does he know how short-lived the pressure of incumbent sorrow may prove? It becomes not him to prescribe to his maker, or because his evils are enormous, to conclude they must be permanent. Rash man! thy heart is in the hand of heaven, and he <who tempers the wind to the shorn lamb>, may either lighten the burthen that oppresses thee, or blunt the edge of that sensibility, from which it derives the greatest poignancy. What medicine is to the wounds of the body, that resignation is to those of the soul. Be not deficient in this virtue, and life will never prescribe a duty you cannot perform, or inflict a pang which you cannot bear. Resignation changes the grizzly aspect of affliction, turns sickness into health, and converts the gloomy forebodings of despair into the grateful presentiments of hope.

... Hume

beardfreak · Post by **beardfreak** » Mon May 17, 2004 9:03 pm

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... volhar.htm

Even if you do not believe in Christ and the scriptures, the essay on that link is food for thought.

Why accept the version of reality that the herd subscribe to?

Why do the herd for the most part subscribe to that version?

Post by **Chain** » Tue May 18, 2004 2:21 pm

It's a strange time for me..

I lived until about 22 just getting by and living off the state. And although it was sometimes difficult I enjoyed my life and was fitter and more healthy too.

Now, I'm going grey, feel like a used tea bag and have put on weight togther with generally feeling pretty much Ill most of the time.

I'm really confused I love my Job and what I do.. But feel frustrated by people who don't know what they're doing above and just crap all over me, something thats much worse at this job than ever before. I have made some good impressions (I hope) within this company but sadly as its run from another country its hard to get anything solid in the way of options.

I'm really shocked how much I rely on my wage packet and wish to hell I had never taken a Job all those years ago, living in rented accomodation was so much simpler..

I'm seriously thinking of selling up, shifting some of my junk to someone else and maybe changing my life completely.. Moving to the middle of nowhere or another country..

What good is money if your worried all the damn time?
What good are computer/consoles if you have no time or energy to play them?

Depressed... I think I have finally reached that.. Someone pass the razor blades

Only kidding.. If there is something I have learned in the last couple of years its that these things are normally for the better in the end when you youreself have lost sight of the good bits .. Thats when life swaps around your whole world is turned upside down, normally for the better... in the end..

Here's hoping..

As for God... You all know I just don't believe in anything you die and thats it nothing.. I just can't get around this and don't think I ever will, it's just me and the way in which I have dealt with things from an early age.. Sure I kid myself with the "Oh bet he/she is laughing at us now" but I know deep down that its just me saying it for the sake of saying it, to make myself feel better.

Tell you what I could write a book about what has happened to me over the last 18 months .... A tragic comedy of a complete plonker who thinks he matters LOL

dan · Post by **dan** » Tue May 18, 2004 3:00 pm

I want to mention this...

My dad went through a very similar phase about two or three years ago. His marriage to my stepmother was coming to an end for reasons that ironically weren't personal differences, and it came as a total shot out of the blue. Before this, though, he was getting really down because of his job (ie got sick of teaching, but had no choice to keep house etc), and having to look after my ill grandmother, his mum, despite constant put-downs out of her.

I also should mention that all of this happened shortly after I had regained contact with my dad, after three years non-contact. It was a period I have deep regrets about (it was my choice both ends) but that's another story...

My dad kept going, mainly for the sake of my younger half-brother, although there were very edgy times. While he liked the helping people side of teaching, again like you Shane he was getting hacked off with bosses who just didn't see the realities. He still wants to get out, but doesn't because he wants to keep the stability of my younger brother, who's at the tender age of 8. Let's just say, when my dad and my mum split up, it was VERY ugly, and he didn't want to repeat that.

Therefore, he keeps the money coming in through his job, I know he's been enjoying the single life a lot with different things, and I know he has ambitions to do other things which by the looks of it could well happen. He even offers to help me, and I've been lucky in that I've only needed his (and my mum's) help about twice. I'm fiercely independant when it comes to things like that.

Three years on, he's had a few girlfriends, there's a new conservatory going up - things like that. I even hear they're now getting a dog, something that I never thought would happen. He's managed to keep a steady friendship with my half-brother's mum, a personal life, stability for an 8-year old and work. From a personal view, I have a better than ever relationship with my dad - in fact, since we got back in touch in 2000 we haven't had a single cross-word.

I wanted to tell you that Shane, as reassurance you're not alone.

It CAN get better. All the best, and hey, if we ever finally getting around to having that pint...

beardfreak · Post by **beardfreak** » Tue May 18, 2004 5:46 pm

I lived until about 22 just getting by and living off the state. And although it was sometimes difficult I enjoyed my life and was fitter and more healthy too.

Then back you go

There is no honour in thrashing yourself to death doing something that you despise.

Now, I'm going grey, feel like a used tea bag and have put on weight togther with generally feeling pretty much Ill most of the time.

I can relate to the grey hair and the teabag feeling

- sucks.

You all know I just don't believe in anything you die and thats it nothing

I will not kid you, I too believe that a lot of the time, but then I have had experiences and other insights that make me aware of other possibilities. The books quoted, especially "Beyond The Occult" study mystical experiences from the bottom up. Colin Wilson is a genius at collating information.

Heres a weird one - the Bible actually agrees with your statement. Check Ecclesiastes ch9 v5 for details. Infact Ecclesiaistes pretty much sums up the way you feel at the moment. It is not a book the traditional church likes to focus on!

Take care Shane